Old Blog 2

Gifts from the Universe
Saturday, March 7, 2009

I had my midterm today. I am officially three-quarters of the way through my second year of midwifery school.

Yesterday I had a midterm review with my preceptor (mentor) and my tutor (counsellor). One of the things that we all agreed on was the fact that I am having trouble with emotionally supporting women in labour. This has been a challenge for me because I have been afraid of two things: invading women's personal space and experience, and acting as an imposter. My conscious avoidence of acting as such has, in my personal life, granted me the trust and respect of others. I am now in a place where I need to be directive and assertive. I have adapted to maneuver my way gently though social encounters. Now I am required to grow further. Growth is rarely easy, but this time I feel the added weight of the discriminating eye of academic athorities. It makes me so uneasy.

I have been contemplating my capacity for labour support with due intensity-- I want to be good; I want to be supportive; I want to nurture and comfort and help these women through the incredible process of giving birth. I felt so inadequate and powerless until something happened while I was walking down Davis Drive in Newmarket today.

A few years back, I lived in this town. When I lived here I worked at a retirement home. I was thinking about those years with my elders and how I would counsel them into their death. These wise people, with more experience with death than myself, would seek and find comfort in my words, embraces, and love. I was thinking over and over again, "I have counselled my elders into their last years and days." Then "The Universe" gave me a sign. Suddenly, before my eyes was my former boss from the retirement home! We chatted for about five minutes and then parted ways. This chance encounter validated what I was thinking.

I feel changed. I imagine those elders helping me help women. I am quite sure that at the next birth I attend I will know what to do.

I just hope the babies can wait until tomorrow so that I can get some sleep tonight :)